{"id":99169,"date":"2023-08-09T05:00:25","date_gmt":"2023-08-09T09:00:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/?p=99169"},"modified":"2025-03-05T16:36:05","modified_gmt":"2025-03-05T21:36:05","slug":"how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/","title":{"rendered":"How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity &#038; Sexuality"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>As a teacher whose classroom practices center exploration of self-identity through creative writing, Jennifer Nissley is used to encouraging young people to be their messiest, most authentic selves. Her work inspired her to write <em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/books\/9780593484920\/the-rules-of-us-by-jennifer-nissley\">The Rules of Us<\/a><\/em>, where the main character, seventeen-year-old Jillian, comes out as queer at the same time as her long-time boyfriend\u2026 and learns that it\u2019s okay not to be the person she always thought she was.<\/p>\n<p>Here, Jennifer shares some guidelines for helping your teen navigate their evolving sense of self.<\/p>\n<p>________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n<p>Adolescence is a period of exciting but often tumultuous change, especially if teens are questioning their sexuality and\/or gender identity. Of course, we want our teens to feel safe sharing their feelings and experiences with us \u2014 but how can we make them feel seen and understood on a topic as personal as their identity without overwhelming them or invalidating what they\u2019re going through? Here are some basic guidelines for helping your teen navigate their evolving sense of self.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Model using gender-neutral language as often as possible. <\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>High schoolers are barraged with assumptions daily \u2014 assumptions that their peers make about them and assumptions that they make about their peers. Living up to these assumptions and going against them can be equally daunting for teens. But by slipping gender-neutral language into everyday conversation, you show that gender and sexuality shouldn\u2019t be assumed by how a person acts or looks. This works when referring to strangers: <em>\u201cCan you go ask that <u>person<\/u> for an extra bag?\u201d<\/em> or family members<em>: \u201cYour aunt\u2019s new <u>partner<\/u>, Fred, will be at the picnic.\u201d<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Don\u2019t assume your teen is straight just because they have a close opposite-gender relationship, romantic or platonic. <\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Gender and sexuality exist on a spectrum, and we can\u2019t base someone\u2019s identity on whom they\u2019re close with or have dated in the past. If your teen brings up having a crush on someone at school or making a new friend, you could ask, \u201cWhat is <em>their <\/em>name? What do you like about <em>them?\u201d <\/em><\/li>\n<li>Likewise, don\u2019t tease your teen about a close, opposite-gender friend. Questions like, <em>\u201cHey, when are you going to ask her out?\u201d <\/em>might seem good-natured to you, but it can be painful and isolating for kids who are questioning.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>When your kid is ready to talk, listen more than you speak. Once it is your turn\u2026 <\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>It\u2019s natural for you to have questions, but get your teen\u2019s permission to ask them first. Be clear and specific about what you\u2019re trying to understand: <em>\u201cI have a question about what being nonbinary means to you. Do you feel comfortable talking about it?\u201d <\/em><\/li>\n<li>If your teen identifies as LGBTQ+, ask how\/when\/if they want other family members to know. You should never spread this information without your teen\u2019s explicit permission \u2014 including on social media!<\/li>\n<li>Many kids are scared to come out because they are concerned that what they\u2019re experiencing is bad or abnormal. Validate rather than dismiss their fears: <em>\u201cIt\u2019s okay to be worried. There will be lots of emotions around this, and all of them are valid.\u201d <\/em>As always, ask your child how you can help them navigate this experience.<\/li>\n<li>You don\u2019t need to be perfect. Acknowledge mistakes, correct them, and approach each conversation with curiosity and compassion.<\/li>\n<li>People of all ages can shut down when asked if they want to pursue therapy. Instead of asking your teen outright, build a bridge to this conversation more gently: <em>\u201cWould you like to speak to a neutral person outside the family who can provide you with guidance and support?\u201d <\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Finally, don\u2019t pressure your teen to talk if they signal they\u2019re not ready. <em>The Rules of Us<\/em> illustrates what can happen to the parent\/teen relationship when parents violate this boundary. The more the protagonist, Jillian\u2019s, parents push her to discuss her budding queerness, the further she retreats, throwing up walls to escape their overbearing interest. The good news? It\u2019s easy not to be Jillian\u2019s parents! Tell your kid, \u201cI\u2019ll love you no matter how you identify or who you love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p> yes no Buy the Book:    9780593484920  <i>The Rules of Us<\/i>  by Jennifer Nissley    <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Here are some basic guidelines for helping teens questioning their sexuality or gender identity navigate their evolving sense of self. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":99409,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[173,707,709],"coauthors":[1363],"class_list":["post-99169","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-author-voices","tag-sexuality","tag-gender","ages_stages-teen"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v23.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity &amp; Sexuality<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Here are some basic guidelines for helping teens questioning their sexuality or gender identity navigate their evolving sense of self.\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity &amp; Sexuality\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Here are some basic guidelines for helping teens questioning their sexuality or gender identity navigate their evolving sense of self.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Brightly\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2023-08-09T09:00:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-03-05T21:36:05+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/assets.readbrightly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/support-teens-gender-sexuality-feat.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"850\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"607\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Jennifer Nissely\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Jennifer Nissely\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity & Sexuality","description":"Here are some basic guidelines for helping teens questioning their sexuality or gender identity navigate their evolving sense of self.","canonical":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity & Sexuality","og_description":"Here are some basic guidelines for helping teens questioning their sexuality or gender identity navigate their evolving sense of self.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/","og_site_name":"Brightly","article_published_time":"2023-08-09T09:00:25+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-03-05T21:36:05+00:00","og_image":[{"width":850,"height":607,"url":"https:\/\/assets.readbrightly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/support-teens-gender-sexuality-feat.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Jennifer Nissely","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Jennifer Nissely","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/","url":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/","name":"How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity & Sexuality","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/assets.readbrightly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/support-teens-gender-sexuality-feat.jpg","datePublished":"2023-08-09T09:00:25+00:00","dateModified":"2025-03-05T21:36:05+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d66412ae4edc023f9a009a9c2dc4d3d6"},"description":"Here are some basic guidelines for helping teens questioning their sexuality or gender identity navigate their evolving sense of self.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/assets.readbrightly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/support-teens-gender-sexuality-feat.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/assets.readbrightly.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/support-teens-gender-sexuality-feat.jpg","width":850,"height":607,"caption":"support-teens-gender-sexuality"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/how-to-help-questioning-teens-talk-about-their-gender-identity-sexuality\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"How To Help Questioning Teens Talk About Their Gender Identity &#038; Sexuality"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/","name":"Brightly","description":"Reading Is the Just the Beginning","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/#\/schema\/person\/d66412ae4edc023f9a009a9c2dc4d3d6","name":"Jennifer Clare","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/2348705ca7dfb856355c2ce836eaceef","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/118090b9fc01e77f84ae9dc424fa5d74?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/118090b9fc01e77f84ae9dc424fa5d74?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Jennifer Clare"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/penguinrandomhouse.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/contributor\/jclare\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99169"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=99169"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99169\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/99409"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=99169"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=99169"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=99169"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.readbrightly.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=99169"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}